Why are promises made to self the easiest ones to break?

A case for discipline as a form of self love

I pride myself on being dependable. As true as the tide, I show up for people in my life with fierce devotion. To break a promise feels unfathomable, like a chasm I could fall into and never claw my way out of. I would never want to let down the people that I love; it would hurt me two fold to do so.

So why does that not apply to promises that I make to myself?

I read an article a few days ago relating self discipline to self worth and that really struck a chord in me. Nothing makes me feel quite as low as another excuse does. There seems to always be an I’ll start on Monday card in my back pocket, just waiting to bail me out of self commitment. It’s easy to visualize the best version of you, but why is it so hard to do?

I always see the girls on Instagram Reels that, seemingly, have it all figured out. It’s 5am hot Pilates and the perfect whole milk iced latte, a walk with the dog for 10k steps and a slick back bun. It seems peaceful to have a routine that locked in. To wake up to the same sunrise each morning, a life that’s lubricated like a well oiled machine. So what are these girls doing that I am not? Why do they seem to glide effortlessly through life as I watch them perform a four hour Sunday Reset in a thirty second video?

The answer to that is that life is not robotic; it can’t be projected or planned or outsmarted. While the sun does habitually rise, the day it ushers in is never the same. There are always new circumstances, new road blocks. There are always reasons to not do something you promised yourself you would. I think that the real magic in self discipline is agreeing to try, even when you know the terms may not always be easy to deliver on.

Doing something unaesthetic is better than doing nothing at all. I catch my self thinking, as I watch flashes of these chic lifestyles through a digital window, that I would have an easier time reaching my goals if I, too, lived in a high rise apartment, had endless matching workout sets, or a limitless budget.

At the end of the day, no matter how you got there, your successes are valid. Working out in your pajamas, in your living room, mismatched socks and all is still working out. Cooking yourself a nutritious meal with hand me down pans and chipped dishes still counts.

Discipline doesn’t have to be pretty. And while it might look like restriction, it is the freedom to live a life filled with self acceptance.

So I ask again: Why are promises made to self the easiest ones to break?

Maybe the answer is that we need to start treating our internal relationship more like our external ones: Think of discipline as a committed relationship to yourself. It’s showing up for you the same way that you might a partner, friend or sibling.

The quickest way to start showing up as the best version of you is to respect yourself enough to follow through. Want to start waking up earlier? You deserve that. Want to start drinking more water? You deserve that. Everything else falls into line like dominos once you establish that self respect, and every time you follow through on a promise to yourself, you are reinforcing the narrative that you are worth the effort.

If you wouldn’t cheat on your partner, don’t cheat yourself either.

The catalyst for this essay was a note I found tucked into my planner. It was scrawled in a disparaging moment when I realized I had broken, yet another, promise to myself. I hardly remember the details, but the words I wrote struck true.

Here is that note, unedited:

I want to be someone who cares enough about herself that she does things she doesn’t necessarily want to because she knows that she will feel better and reap the benefits one day even if that day is not today.

I want to be someone who is so strong in their self worth/discipline that they are no longer persuaded by the choices of others in their pursuit of self improvement.

I want to be someone who people can look at and see the self reverence exuding from them in the form of inner light.

I want to be someone who has the ability to then show up and be an amazing partner, friend, sister, daughter, employee and then someday a wife and mother.

It reads like a love letter, a true devotion to myself. I owe her my best foot forward, every day. It’s an uphill battle sometimes, but the view is worth it.

I am worth it.

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